soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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