I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
