He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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