btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't make out with my wife yet
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize