We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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