Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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