Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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