I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
