Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
