Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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