FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
