i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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