PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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