don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
