In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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