home. puking in laundry basket.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
