I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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