i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
