This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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