don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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