I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
