My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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