forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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