I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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