you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
