You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
