Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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