I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love you.
Bad choice
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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