i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
