After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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