Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
