theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
