oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize
