I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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