Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
