Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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