your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize