just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When are your genitals available?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
