I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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