She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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