It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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