nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
