Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
