I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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