It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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