I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
