i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
