What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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