awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
