Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
