4 words: hood of his car
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
