There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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