I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
