just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
