i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
