Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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