i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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