can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
