Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official drugs can't kill me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
