All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
