Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
