I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
