Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
