Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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