I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
