Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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