I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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