It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
