I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
