my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
