VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
