I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
