we have pet lesbian snakes
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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