An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize