haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
