I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
