my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
