Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you would pick up someone in the library
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
