She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize