If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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