my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
