Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
