my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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