Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
