I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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