dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The power of my boobs compel you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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