you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ladies don't puke and tell
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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