did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
