that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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