he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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