I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
