After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
