that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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