Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
