The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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