u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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