They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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