he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
