remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
