We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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